Postcards from the Florida Republic: Part II

The dollar dilemma… skin in the game… the Democratic National Convention (DNC) drama… and departures from the Old Union.

I took a little heat from some friends of mine after I said I’d be willing to leave the country if things went awry.

You have to keep in mind that I moved to Florida from Chicago. I bought a farm that isn’t on a map with the Gulf of Mexico to its back. I bought enough ammo to kill a small invading army and purchased enough planter beds to ensure that my ramparts are Tampa and Fort Myers.

In other words. I bought some time.

There’s no shortage of people, who once they were done calling me “Chicken Little,” then asked me what countries they may want to live in one day. I even had one person accuse me of treason, and then go on to explain how they know someone in Glasnow who is related to a public official who might help them get a temporary “stay” there. 


The Dollar Dilemma

While everyone is worried about the virus, the dollar is slowly losing its Reserve Status.

What you don’t see in the news is that the dollar is no longer the dominant currency in Russia-China trade.

You might be good with the dollar losing its Reserve Status.

Or you might be someone saying: “What is going to replace the dollar?”

Well, the Florida Republic doesn’t have a currency yet. And we’re always looking for ideas.

Even if the answer is “nothing can replace the dollar”, the Greenback is still an asset that is losing its value at a predictable rate over the long term and could lose a monumental amount over the next 12 months.

Given that the markets still seem unwilling to price in the worst-case scenario properly, I’m paying very close attention.

It costs very little money to buy calls at $23 on the UDN as far out on the options chain… 

It’s not that expensive to short against a peg in Hong Kong or the Middle East… 

I can still find ways to make money on the SPY ride up to 400 on a Long because pumping money is our future… 

But these aren’t the conversations that I’m having in my head…

Instead, I’m more fixated on political risk strategists and money managers who own Zurich lakefront properties.

In the meantime, my investment strategy will be to buy the tech that solves the crisis and short the politicians that caused it.

Big Mo-ney, Bigger Pho-ney

I want to know where the skin is in the game right now given the state of the U.S. economy.

What are the Pelosi’s doing with their money today? What about Chuck Schumer and Mitch McConnell?

That’s something that should be disclosed at all times. CNBC and MSNBC operate under the same umbrella but have distinctly different editorial philosophies. Marry the two and follow the money of our precious elected officials.

Then do journalism by accident.

DNC Drama

The Democratic National Convention is like a bizarre Award Show that just goes on too long. Just a reminder everyone – there are still 74 days until the election. 

To get into the spirit of how much I dislike American politics, here are Ten Things I Look More Forward to than the 2020 U.S. Election Season.

  1. Pulling my headphones out of my bag on an airplane only to realize one speaker has been crushed and rendered useless.
  2. That feeling I get if I’m telling a story and suddenly realize that no one is listening.
  3. Having to listen to my friend talk about how the price of gold has never been worth zero (you have that friend, right?).
  4. Someone eavesdropping over my shoulder at a coffee shop while I’m writing a personal email to family/friends.
  5. Joining a new company in the future, only to realize they do all of their communication over Slack.
  6. Working on my laptop only to have it install computer updates less than 20 minutes before a deadline.
  7. Accidentally befriending a stranger who is convinced they are the center of the universe.
  8. Picking up my phone after my alarm goes off the next morning only to realize it wasn’t plugged in and has just 6% battery.
  9. Slamming my bare pinkie toe into a bedframe while moving this weekend.
  10. Leaving the house and getting two miles down the road, only to realize I forgot the ONE thing that I needed to bring.

Those are 10 pretty terrible things – all of which, I look forward to MORE THAN the 2020 election.

Building a Nation

On Monday, I noted a few rules that I expect the Florida Republic to abide by when it comes to landmass and vote counting. 

We’re not sure if the Old Union is going to stay together in the event that the debt hits $77 trillion and California thinks it’ll be able to tax people who left their terrible tax code behind for another 10 years after their departure (California is a broke state-operated by economic illiterates. It’s the type of place that would spend $26 million losing a tax case against someone they claimed owed $13 million in taxes.).

I know the odds might be small, but the Florida Republic just might find itself operating as its own entity as part of something that mirrors the independent nations of Eastern Europe one day.

Better be prepared with a series of rules to make sure we hit the ground running.

But today, I want to lay out the rules for the Presidency.

In the Florida Republic, the President would serve for five years, and have a maximum of 20 years as President. Now before you get all worried about dictators, let me explain how this works:

Every five years, we have an election. The night before the election, we put the Republican in a boat off the coast of Captiva, and the Democrat in a boat out in the middle of the Bermuda triangle. This is important for social distancing. We hold a Zoom call that is broadcast into every residence in the Florida Republic. We ask the two candidates how they would lead if they were able to serve four terms as leaders.

After whatever they offer in the form of a nonsensical answer, we ignore them, cut the power to the boat, and let them drift to the Tampico and Ponta Delgada, respectively.

Having jettisoned our two most politically ambitious people for good, we then allow an English Bulldog to serve the remainder of the victor’s term. In the Republic of Florida, the pursuit of political power is highly discouraged. We will repeat this process over and over, let people who ignore the Great Civic Documents of the Florida Republic foolishly run for office, and then hold a party after we let these people adrift.

Postcards to My Daughter

I have a two-year-old. Here’s a note to her.

Dear Amelia: Last night, at 7 pm, I cheered to you, “Hey, let’s go brush your teeth.” You frowned. What I should have said is “Hey, let’s go into the bathroom, where you will scream at me for 30 seconds and crawl into a ball because I won’t let you put more toothpaste on the brush because you put half the bottle on the bristles on Sunday evening and wasted $4. Then, after you have finally stopped yelling, you will try to provoke an argument with me, run off to your mother, and try to get her to agree with you. Thus, you will provide a crystal ball into our family circle between Year 14 and 17 of your life.”

I’m always learning on the fly. I don’t think 10,000 hours will save me though.

That’s my time.